


Anywhere in Time

by VeronicaFerCard



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-03
Packaged: 2020-04-06 22:32:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19072009
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VeronicaFerCard/pseuds/VeronicaFerCard
Summary: “She’s moved on,” Steve tells him, “and so have I. I was still conflicted, though. It took me going back to realize I had already grown used to being here, but I couldn’t leave knowing you’d spend the next seven decades being tortured all over again.”--Or, the one where Steve gets his dance with Peggy, saves Bucky, and realizes everything he wanted was already right there in front of him.





	1. The ones she had lost and the ones she had found

**Author's Note:**

> I simply cannot live with what was done to Steve in Endgame, so I wrote this.  
> This story also has a playlist, which I fully recommend listening to while you read for maximum effect. https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1OiohZTMgj21Bt4o4ON9qm

Steve stops moving.

He can’t go on. This… this isn’t right. The feeling of wrongness, which he has been trying his hardest to ignore, ever since he stepped on that platform, has been pushing its way to the surface, to the forefront of his mind, making it impossible for Steve to enjoy this.

The song, oblivious to his internal turmoil, keeps playing. The same song from his radio long ago -- or long ahead, Steve doesn’t know anymore -- from when Bucky tried to kill Fury, from when neither of them knew who the other was. The first time Steve saw him, after everything that had been done to him.  _ God _ ! Is this the universe trying to tell him something, or is it just guilt making him superstitious? 

He is so lost in thoughts that it takes a while for Steve to realize Peggy is talking to him. She has stopped moving too.

“Huh?” 

She frowns up at him. Her perceptive brown eyes study his face. Peggy seems uncertain by whatever she sees in him, and, for the first time, the thought crosses his mind. The man Steve is now, he is a stranger to her. “What’s wrong, darling?” she asks, trying to solve whatever mystery she clearly sees behind his eyes. “You’re miles away.” 

Peggy has no idea how right she is. The irony of her statement is not lost on Steve. Nevertheless, he can’t help being honest. He’s never been a good liar anyway, and she deserves the truth.

“I was -- I was just thinking about Bucky.”

Peggy shoots him a sympathetic smile, albeit a sad one. Steve has yet to be specific about how he got here, so he can imagine what Peggy must be thinking; for her, Steve is still grieving Bucky. If that’s the case, she is not wrong.  Her hand on his shoulder slides down to his chest, to rest over his heart. “Steve, don’t do this to yourself. You know it wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done.” 

Perhaps she is right, but there are still things he could do now. However, that would mean leaving her again. As much as he missed Bucky, Steve has mourned her too.

Steve is sure Peggy can feel his rapid heartbeat under her warm palm. As he holds her gaze, he marvels at the fact her eyes never lost their sparkle, even after time took part of her. Decades from this moment, Peggy’s eyes will remain the same. God, Steve loves her!  _ God. _ What is he doing here?

“Actually,” Steve says, stepping away from her embrace. If he is where --  _ when _ \-- he thinks he is, then this means it won’t be long until Peggy is getting married. He knows her history, just like the world knows his. She’ll name one of her kids after Dum Dum. She’ll live a beautiful life. “I have to tell you something. It’s going to sound crazy.”

Peggy smirks at him. It reminds him of Natasha and it makes something else ache inside of him. He is so tired of losing people. It’s part of why he thought this would be a good idea, that maybe if he started over he could build a life with less pain. That thought seems foolish now. 

“Crazier than you being here?” 

Steve doesn’t know about that, she certainly didn’t look as surprised to see him as he had expected, but then again, stranger things have happened in their lives. And once again, Steve is left with nothing but the truth to give. “He’s alive.”

The smile instantly drops from her face. It’s like a flashback, like that rainy day in ‘43, when his world came crashing down, and she went along with his plan against all odds. Peggy is suddenly all business. Steve hasn’t seen that look in so long. “Are you sure?”

“Yes,” he tells her. “Hydra found him.” Guilt briefly clouds his thought again. He should have jumped after Bucky. He would have survived. He would have. Bucky did. Steve could have saved him. He works his voice around the sudden lump in his throat so he can tell her the rest.  “They have him. They’re -- they’re torturing him.”

“But how--” Peggy brings a hand to her mouth. Her eyes avert his and Steve knows the look on her face all too well. He has seen it in the mirror countless times. Regret. “He was experimented on,” Peggy tells him.

“He told you?” Steve doesn’t know how to process that, even after all these years. He had asked, repeatedly, about what had happened in Azzano, but Bucky refused to tell him. Steve always had an idea, he knew Zola had done something to Bucky, he knew Bucky was more afraid of the tiny scientist than he was of the Red Skull, but Steve never got the specifics from him, and he only connected the dots seventy years too late.

“He didn’t want to, but I needed a report.” She is lying, and she knows Steve can tell. The song is on its last notes and Peggy turns away from Steve, crossing her small living room to stop the record player. “That’s what I told him anyway,” she says as she comes back to him. “He made me promise I wouldn’t tell you.”

Steve can’t deny that it hurts, hearing that the two people he loved the most would hide something this big from him, that one of them was hurting so bad. But there is something else in Peggy’s story, something else she is not telling him.

“Why did you ask?” It’s not supposed to sound like an accusation, but Steve is tired of secrets, and maybe some of that displeasure comes out in his voice because Peggy hesitates. It’s not something he is used to seeing on her, and it raises all kinds of red flags in his mind.

Peggy bites her lip. For an instant, her eyes try to settle somewhere, anywhere but Steve’s face. She is not a quitter, though, and it’s not long before her gaze falls on his again. “You have to understand,” she starts. Steve doesn’t like how she’s stalling, doesn’t like the words she is using, but he bites his tongue, keeps his mouth shut and waits for her to go on. And, with a heavy sigh, she does. “We were going to run some tests, but unfortunately there was never time, and Barnes -- Bucky seemed visibly distressed every time a doctor came close to him. I knew he was doing everything he could to avoid them, and honestly, I did not have the heart to force him--”

Steve can’t hold his tongue any longer. “Peggy,  _ please _ , what are you saying?”

“We needed an army, Steve,” she finally confesses. Her face scrunches up in distress. “An army of you.”

_ You are not enough. _ Steve doesn’t think he is an arrogant person, but he  _ did  _ think that rescuing all those soldiers along with Bucky had been enough to prove himself to Colonel Phillips, to the entire fucking U.S. Army. Clearly, he’d been wrong.

He blinks hard against the sting in his eyes. “You knew Bucky had the serum.” This time he  _ does  _ mean to sound accusatory, but Peggy doesn’t back down.

“We thought so,” she explains calmly. “We hoped so. But we never got a chance to test him. In the end, it was just a theory.” She reaches out for him, but Steve takes a step back and her hands fall back to her sides. 

Steve doesn’t know why he is doing this to himself. Perhaps this is something that only happened in this timeline, with this Bucky, with this version of them. His own Bucky is safe and sound now, waiting for him, but the one in this life on the other hand… that Bucky still has an entire lifetime of pain ahead of him.

“You should’ve told me.”

“I wasn’t certain,” she says. “And we had a war to fight. We couldn’t afford to lose you--”

“No,” Steve cuts her with a scornful smile. “You needed me angry enough to go and avenge him in a way that would benefit--”

“You would have sacrificed every--”

“Wasn’t that exactly what I did?” he shouts. His anger scares him more than it does her. She simply holds her ground and stares at him as they both breathe heavily. 

“I can’t tell you what you want to hear, Steve,” she says in quiet rage. “And if you came here to have me apologize to you, I am only sorry you’ve wasted your journey.”

Steve doesn’t break eye contact as he takes a moment to inhale and exhale as Sam has taught him to.  _ Oh, Lord _ ! Sam is also waiting for him. Once he feels he is calm enough, he continues, “That’s not it.” He shakes his head. “It was all for nothing,” Steve finally tells her. “Everything I did, it was all for nothing. Hydra is growing inside SHIELD as we speak. Somewhere out there Bucky is being tortured so that they can create their own perfect soldier.” He looks down at his shoes, even they don’t belong here. “I didn’t come here for an apology. I came because I owed you a dance.” It sounds childish as hell to say it out loud, but it’s true. “But I -- I’m not so sure I can stay.”

Relief briefly crosses Peggy’s features, she is quick to tamp it down, but Steve sees it all the same. She walks up to him, and this time he doesn’t shy away from her touch. Her small hand cups his face as she runs her thumb across his cheek. “Darling,” she says affectionately, “I have missed you so much.” Steve’s shoulders sag under her gaze, and he is once again reminded that she lived a life without him. He’s been chasing ghosts. Peggy gets on her tiptoes to plant a kiss on his forehead. “Thank you for never forgetting.”

Her words are more than Steve can take and he folds over her, burying his face on the crock of her neck as he engulfs her within his arms. He squeezes his eyes shut, though that only serves to let some of his tears spill. “I love you,” he confesses in a sob. “I always will.”

Peggy caresses his hair. “I love you too,” she says, not letting him go either. She holds him as they both cry for what they lost. She doesn’t say a thing, but Steve can read between the lines, can finally understand even if he is always a moment too late. Whatever they could have had died with him in 1945. Peggy has made a life for herself, one that he isn’t a part of. And, as Steve holds her, he realizes, so did he.

After a moment, Peggy finally untangles herself from him. Steve sniffs as he lets her go, and they both give each other a moment to recompose.

“Well,” she breathes out, offering him a small smile. “Enough with the dramatics, we have work to do.”

“Right,” Steve agrees, running his hands over his pants. 

“Tell me everything you know,” Peggy asks. 

Steve hesitates. He can’t do that. He shouldn’t even be here, but that ship has sailed and now he has to think carefully before he opens his mouth. He has to prioritize. He needs Peggy’s help to find Bucky. He has to help her get rid of Hydra before it grows roots inside SHIELD.  Luckily, if Steve can even call any of this luck, those two things are linked by a single factor. 

At last, Steve meets Peggy’s eyes.

“I need you to take me to Arnim Zola.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eTa1jHk1Lxc


	2. That's what you get when you live in the past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the purpose of this story, SHIELD is already called SHIELD when Steve goes to the past.

If Daniel Sousa is impressed by meeting Captain America, he does one hell of a job hiding it.

What really draws Steve’s attention, however, is the way Agent Sousa looks at Peggy like she personally hangs the moon every night. And it’s not as if Steve can blame him. If there is something going on between the two of them, they don’t let it transpire in the way they behave towards each other, but that doesn’t mean Steve is oblivious to the quick glances they throw one another when they think the other isn’t looking. 

He supposes he should be jealous, he is sure his past self would have been. However, the man he is now is of a one-track mind, and that single thought belongs to Bucky. And to find him, to be able to rescue him in this life Steve is going to need all the help he can get without messing too much with the timeline.

So Steve summarizes the situation as best as he can to Peggy and Agent Sousa while they both stare at him with stern resolution and bewilderment, respectively. Steve absently wrings his fingers while he tells them what he knows about Hydra’s control over SHIELD, and Zola’s control over Bucky.

“By God,” Sousa exclaims, looking at Peggy, “We brought him in! What have we done?”

“Nothing that can’t still be undone,” Peggy answers determined. “The first thing we need to do now is to locate Sergeant Barnes.” She turns to Steve. “We can deal with the Hydra operatives once we’ve rescued him.”

Steve nods. For a moment, that is all he can do to acknowledge the enormity of what she is doing for him, what she is doing for him  _ again _ . He clears his throat a second later and shifts his thoughts back to business. “I know Zola has Bucky so, if you can just tell me where to find him--”

“I’m afraid we have a problem, Captain,” Sousa tells him. “Dr. Zola is away. He’s abroad, researching.”

The bitter taste on the back of Steve’s throat is like a sixth sense telling him just what kind of  _ research _ Zola is doing. Luckily, Steve knows exactly where he is. He stands up from where he had been sitting on Peggy’s worn armchair, ready for action. He will walk and swim to Siberia if necessary. 

Peggy and Sousa stand after him. Judging by the look on her face, she can see exactly what is going on in his head. “You can’t go alone,” she says. 

“Peggy, you don’t have to do this. I know what I’m doing.”

“This is not up for debate.”

“With all due respect, Captain,” Sousa interjects. “If this concerns SHIELD, then we are going.” He looks at Peggy and she nods in agreement. 

“Well, that settles it then,” she says, with hands on her hips and a head held high. Steve heaves a breath, accepting that he doesn’t have a say in this. “We’ll arrange transportation tomorrow.”

Steve knows exactly where she’ll get that. “You can’t tell Howard about me.” The last people know about his being here the better. He looks at Sousa. “You can’t tell anyone about me.” 

“You have my word, Captain.”

“You can trust Agent Sousa,” Peggy says.

With her seal of approval, Steve sticks a hand out to. “Thank you,” he says as he shakes Sousa’s hand. “And please, call me Steve.”

\---

With a mostly complete plan in motion, there is nothing Steve can do the rest of the day except pace around Peggy’s living room while waiting for her to come back. It is too early to storm SHIELD’s building and start picking off possible Hydra agents. Steve doesn’t know the people who work there, he doesn’t even know how far deep Hydra already is. And, most importantly, he can’t risk someone tipping Zola off, in case he goes off the grid and takes Bucky with him.

So he sits and waits. It is probably one of the longest days of his life, and there isn’t much he can do to distract himself. Steve never thought he would miss the internet this much. 

Unfortunately, Peggy doesn’t have much to give him once she comes home, and Steve’s anxiety turns into frustration as she recounts her day. She hasn’t been able to contact Howard, so they will have to wait until tomorrow to try again. 

Peggy retires to her room no long after. She’s had a long day too, and one that included more than sitting around doing nothing. Steve definitely understands her need for some rest. She wishes him goodnight and leaves a pillow and a couple of blankets so Steve can spend the night on her couch.

Some time goes by after that. Steve doesn’t know how much, but sleep never comes. He is staring up at the ceiling, having given up on it for some time now, when he catches movement behind him. He is up in seconds, his right hand going for a shield that is not there anymore, because this isn’t his house and his shield is broken somewhere years away from here. 

He drops the fighting stance the moment his eyes land on Peggy. She is leaning against the wall, a steaming mug on her hand. Steve didn’t even hear her moving around the house. She looks at him with sorrow in her eyes. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Sorry,” Steve mumbles, sitting down.

“It’s alright,” she says, taking the place next to his on the couch. She gives him a moment to compose himself, but, when it becomes clear he has nothing to say, she speaks.“So, you’ve fought using a god’s weapon to defeat a purple man from outer space, did I get that right?”

Steve snorts, shaking his head, grinning in spite of everything. Trust her to try and get him out of his head. “Yeah, that’s about it, yeah.” He’d been worthy, at least for a moment. The hammer is back where it should be by now, and Steve will probably never get the chance to pick it up again, but  _ by God _ , it was thrilling. He wonders if he would still be worthy of it if he stayed here. 

“You know, I’ve met one of them, a Black Widow, like your friend,” Peggy comments. Steve told her about Natasha, told her how the Red Skull’s floating ghost explained how he couldn’t trade the Soul Stone for Nat’s life. To hell with what he should or should not say, he’s messed with the timelines already, might as well talk about it. Peggy quietly sips on her tea as she studies him. Steve can’t stand it, so he drops his eyes to the floor. “Is that why you are here? Why you are so keen to save Barnes even though you told me he was there with you? You couldn’t save one of your friends, so you’re here to save the other?”

Maybe there is truth in her assumptions, Steve hasn’t analyzed his actions hard enough to know, but that is not the whole reason he is here. “I thought that I wanted --  I -- I thought coming back would make sense.” Peggy -- her old self -- had told him to start over, but it is becoming clear to him now that she didn’t mean from the beginning.

Peggy, as always, seems to see right through him. “Whatever brought you here, it can take you back, can’t it?”

“Yeah, but I don’t know if I want to.” The people he left in the future, they all seem to have a purpose, a place to go. Steve was the odd one out. After everything that’s happened, no one needs Steve giving them empty pieces of coping advice. Sam is alright, Wanda is more than capable of taking care of herself. And Bucky? That version of him doesn’t need Steve anymore. He’s safe now, and he’ll probably acclimate easier than Steve did. 

Peggy frowns at him. “Are you sure about that?”

Steve smiles sadly at her.  “I don’t know,” he admits with a shrug. “I just don’t know.”

Peggy reaches out and takes one of Steve’s hands in hers, she squeezes it as her eyes search his for something. Steve can’t tell if she finds whatever it is she is looking for, but the reassuring smile she offers him is enough to warm his heart. “You know what,” Peggy says softly, “I think you know just what you want. You just haven’t realized it yet.”

“Are you gonna tell me what that is?” Steve asks with a smirk.

She pats his arm before letting go of him, bringing the mug to her lips, which carry a mischievous smile of their own. “Absolutely not.”

\---

It takes a couple of days until Peggy and Agent Sousa can borrow an airplane from Howard. Most of that time is spent trying to track him down. During this time, Steve almost meets the real-life version of Jarvis, but his preservation instinct, for once, trumps his curiosity and he hides in Peggy’s bedroom while she has tea with Stark’s butler in the living room.

Steve hears as Peggy discloses her doubts about a possible Hydra infiltration, and hears as Mr. Jarvis promises her to keep an eye on things while she is away on her mission. From where Steve is standing, Jarvis sounds clever and witty, and Steve belatedly realizes he is getting a glimpse at one of the people who helped shape Tony into the man he was. Vaguely, Steve wonders if he would also be somewhat responsible for Tony’s upbringing if he had come home from the War.

Once they have the airplane, Peggy and Agent Sousa gather the supplies they will need for the trip on her kitchen table. It’s all Steve can do not to sigh in frustration. The technology they have at their disposal is ancient, even for Stark standards, especially for Stark standards. Unbeknownst to him, Steve has grown used to Tony’s high-tech gadgets. He misses the blue holograms and the tridimensional maps he could zoom and enhance. He misses the tiny comms he could shove in his ear. The handmade map and the rusty compass on the table seem to be mocking him. All this crap is going to slow them down.

Steve doesn’t voice his thought, though. The last thing he wants is to sound ungrateful. Besides, he is certain this is probably the latest technology right now. He’s just been spoiled by the future, that’s all. He can adapt back to this reality, he just needs some time. 

Unfortunately, that is not a luxury he can’t afford right now.

“A telegram came this morning,” Sousa tells them. “It said Dr. Zola would be back within the month.”

“We need to leave right away,” Peggy urges. She looks at Steve. “We won’t risk him disappearing, or losing track of Sergeant Barnes.” Steve nods in acknowledge, his stomach churning at the mere thought that he might be too late to save Bucky, again. Thankfully, Peggy doesn’t allow him the time to dwell on self-pity. “Very well then.” She picks up a pencil and starts making lines on the map. “This is what we shall do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jMgE61PjKKw


	3. A last minute man of faith

The airplane is also rockier than Steve remembers, and smaller too. He feels like a sardine inside the can. Every time turbulence hits them he feels like the plane will plummet into the ocean. 

Peggy is at the cockpit, and he doesn’t want to distract her just to calm his nerves. So that leaves him with Sousa, who has been doing a poor job at pretending to be busy, checking and rechecking the same piece of equipment every five minutes. It’s something Steve might have written off as an attempt to quell some sort of fear of flying, if it weren’t for the fact Sousa has been checking on him just as often. 

“Need something,” Steve asks after catching the agent’s eyes on him again.

“You don’t remember me,” Sousa says matter of factly.

Steve shakes his head. “Sorry.”

Sousa dismisses Steve’s concern with a sweeping hand gesture. “It’s alright. I just -- I never had the chance to thank you.” Steve frowns at him. He really doesn’t know what Sousa is talking about. “I was there too,” Sousa explains, “at the factory. So, thank you, for saving my life.”

Steve shakes his head again, absently glancing at Sousa’s missing leg. He doesn’t deserve an ounce of this man’s gratitude. Everything he did was done trying to get to Bucky. Sousa and all the others were just lucky to be trapped with his best friend. Steve swallows down the bitter taste in his mouth. He is a lot more selfish than people give him credit for.

The plan rattles once more, and Steve grips at the arms of his seat with enough strength to almost tear its leather. 

“Sorry about that!” Peggy shouts from the cockpit once they are stable again. “The worst part is over now, we’ll be there soon.”

“She cares a great deal about you,” Sousa says quietly. 

Steve nods at him. “I care a lot about her too.”

Sousa offers him a strange smile. “I know. The whole world knows.”

“What do you mean?”

“When I met Peggy she was trying hard to get people at the office to see her as more than just Cap’s girl,” Sousa explains. “They thought she was there because of you.”

Steve glances at the cockpit, even though he can’t really see Peggy from here. “What about now?” he asks, looking back at Sousa.

“It’s not perfect,” he admits. “Men are still, well, men, I suppose,” he says with a shrug. Then he smiles proudly. “Luckily, Margaret Carter has never once needed anyone’s approval. She can handle herself, and she knows it. Difference is that a lot of people have started to see that as well.”

_ He is in love with her _ , Steve realizes.  Their history is already in motion. As oblivious as Steve can be about these things, even he can’t  _ not _ see it. It is the first thing he notices, and then, slowly, everything else starts to register. Even in death, he has made Peggy’s life harder. If people knew he was here, it could jeopardize all she has built for herself.

Steve has no right to disrupt Peggy’s life.

“I’m glad you have her back,” Steve tells Sousa.

Sousa nods. “Always.”

\---

The Hydra bunker looks different from what Steve remembers. For one thing, it is partially hidden by the night, but what really draws his attention is how  _ alive  _ the place looks, even in the dark.  Bucky is there, he can feel it by the sudden warmth which spreads within him, quelling the chill in his bones. 

In spite of that, however, the cold air still seems to constrict Steve’s lungs. Every fiber in him wants to charge head-on against whoever is inside the base until he gets to Bucky. He misses his shield like a lost limb, but there is nothing Steve can do about it now. He’ll fight with what he has, he’ll claw his way to Bucky if he has to. 

They had to leave the plane a couple of miles away from here in order to keep their presence hidden, even though the three of them know the element of surprise will only take them so far. Nonetheless, if it weren’t for Peggy and, especially, Sousa’s slower pace, Steve could have been at the door by now. But he drags his feet a little and keeps to their rhythm, even though it almost kills him to be this close and yet still so far. Bucky has waited for him long enough.

Peggy touches his shoulder and he turns around to look at her. “We have to stop,” she says quietly. 

Steve wants to protest, but a quick look behind her shoulder shows him the reason for the request. Sousa is panting heavily, a few paces from them. He is struggling to walk with the crutches in the snow. Steve looks back at Peggy with what, he is sure, is barely concealed desperation. He can’t be ungrateful now. They’ve brought him this far. 

When Sousa finally reaches them, Peggy turns to him. “Once we have Barnes, we’ll have to move fast. It would be best if our ride is all ready to go by then.”

Sousa instantly reads the meaning behind her words. “What are you saying? You want me to let the two of you storm an entire Hydra base by yourselves?” Sousa shakes his head. “We don’t even know how many people are inside.” He gestures to the base. “We don’t even know if Sergeant Barnes is in there!”

“I  _ know _ he is,” Steve says, unable to help himself, hanging on to hope rather than any kind of logic.

“You can’t possibly--” Sousa starts, but Peggy cuts him before he can finish the argument.

“There is no time for this.” She looks at Sousa. “Daniel, please!”

They stare at each other for a moment. An entire conversation going on without a word. Steve knows how those work. He’s had them with Bucky his whole life. In the end, Peggy wins the silent argument -- just like Steve used to -- and Sousa huffs in defeat.

“Alright,” he concedes with a sigh. “I'll get the plane ready. But if you’re not back in an hour I’m coming to get you.”

Peggy snorts. “If we are not back in an hour we are most definitely already dead.”

“Then I’ll come get your corpse, Carter,” Sousa fires back. “You are  _ not  _ getting rid of me.”

Peggy rolls her eyes at him, but she can’t hide the affection in them. Steve feels almost like an intruder. This moment isn’t his to watch. So he swivels around and busies himself trying to spot any cameras or night guards while Peggy and Sousa arrange their rendezvous.  

Once they are ready, Steve looks back at them. 

“You two watch out for each other,” Sousa tells them. Then he sticks a hand out to Steve. “Good luck. I hope you find him, Steve.”

Steve thanks him and then they are in motion again. 

Peggy flanks his left, bringing her pistol out as they draw closer and, with her free hand, she uses her binoculars to spot the base. “There are guards in the left tower,” she announces. “That shield of yours would come in really handy right now.”

Steve shakes his head. “Don’t I know it.”

They move silently for the rest of the way, using rocks and snow banks to keep themselves hidden from the watchtower. Once they get to the outer walls of the bunker, they stop at what seems to be the blind spot of the tower.

“This is where we split up,” Peggy announces. 

“Are you sure about this?” Even though they have discussed this already, Steve still doesn’t feel comfortable with her going alone.

Nonetheless, Peggy nods. “If your information about the inside of this place is accurate, then yes, I’m sure.”

Steve has no argument to that so he simply nods. “Okay.”

“I’ll circle back and find my way in from there,” she says. “I’ll meet you inside.”

She is about to leave when Steve grabs her arm. “Peggy.” She swivels around to face him. For a moment, Steve feels like he is back in 1943; back to being just a scrawny kid from Brooklyn. Again, she is the one who believes in him, and again, she is willing to risk her like to help Steve rescue the most important person in his life. For a moment, he doesn’t even know what to say. It takes a second or two, but then he finds his words. “Thank you.”

“Steve,” she breathes out, concern furrowing her brows. 

He tries to reassure her with a smile. “See you inside.”  

Then he lets go of her, and a heartbeat later she turns around, walking away from him. Within seconds, Steve loses sight of her. He sighs. He can’t help the worry, for Peggy, for Agent Sousa, for Bucky. Steve can’t afford to fail now, so he puts his mind back in the game.

Climbing the tower proves to be a bigger challenge than he had originally thought. The equipment barely holds his weight and he loses his footing more than once.  When he is up there, he swiftly disarms and incapacitates the two guards, knocking them down. One of them hits the wall behind him with a sickening sound before sliding down like a puppet without strings. Steve doesn't have it in him right now to feel bad, so he moves forward without a second thought.

He takes the stairs down to the main part of the base, two steps at a time. So far so good, nobody has seemed to notice they have been invaded yet. Steve only hopes that this is because their plan is working, and not because Peggy hasn’t made it inside. 

He keeps his back close to the wall as he makes his way to the cryo tanks. It is probably where they are keeping Bucky, so Steve decides it is the best place to start looking for him. He has told Peggy as much, told her how to get there from the back of the building as well.  _ This is gonna work _ , he thinks. 

And luck does seem to be on Steve’s side, up until the moment he turns into a well-lit hallway and literally bumps into a group of Hydra goons. Unlike the soldiers, though, Steve had been counting on their being there, and so he recovers from the surprise much faster than they do. 

He punches the man closest to him hard enough that the guy’s body falls back, knocking down two others that were directly behind him. The remaining four don’t fall that easily, though. They charge against Steve in a way that tells him they know exactly who he is. They move as a unit, encircling him. 

Steve tries to keep his back to the wall, but the men start to close in on him and, if he waits for too long, he won’t have enough space to fight, so Steve goes forward. He kicks the guy immediately in front of him in the sternum and all hell breaks loose.

The guy on his left has an electric baton and he hits the back of Steve’s knee with it. Steve’s leg jerks with the shock and he almost loses balance. Another soldier takes that as an opportunity to hit Steve on the face with another baton, but this time Steve is quick enough to raise an arm to protect his head. 

The third man standing uses the opening to punch Steve’s open flank. It lands on his ribs and, despite his enhance body, the force of the blows still manages to steal some of Steve’s breath. He slightly doubles in on himself and the Hydra goons take the moment to gang up on him. They attack him together, from both sides and the front, and it is only now, that his arms try to block and fight back at the same time, that Steve realizes how much he has come to rely on his shield, as both a weapon and protection.

That doesn’t mean he is helpless, though.

He spits out blood from his split lip and brings his fists up.  

When the guy with the electric baton comes at him again, Steve grabs it. Electricity runs all the way to his shoulders but he doesn’t let go. Instead, he yanks the thing from the man’s hand, switches his grip on it so he is holding the handle, and then drives the shocking end onto the soldier’s neck. 

While the guy is on his way down, Steve kicks another one on the knee. He hears the bone snap under his foot and the man falls with a scream, which Steve silences with a foot to the face.

The one left standing shouts at him in Russian. He is scared. Steve doesn’t need to know the language to interpret that. It would be funny, if Steve could afford to stop and contemplate the situation, that these men probably think they are fighting a ghost. 

Steve grabs the man by his shirt, pulling him to within an inch of his face. “Zola,” Steve hisses to him.

The soldier babbles more things Steve can’t understand, so he shakes him and asks again. This time, the guy raises a trembling arm and point an unsteady finger to the big doors down the corridor. 

The room with the cryo tanks. 

“Thanks,” Steve says, before whipping the blunt end of the baton onto the side of the man’s head. 

He quickly deposits the unconscious body on the ground and moves ahead, towards Zola, towards Bucky. 

To Steve’s absolute dismay, once he gets to the room, he finds it empty. 

There are no tanks, no chair with restraints and a headpiece, nothing. There is only a side table and a couple of file cabinets. 

“No,” Steve breathes out.  _ Please, Lord, don’t let me be too late again, _ he begs in a hasten prayer as he walks to the cabinets. There is also the possibility he might me too  _ early _ . Steve hasn’t even thought about that until now. He doesn’t know what he will do, if that is the case. 

Hoping for some answers, Steve opens the first drawer, but the files inside are useless to him. He doesn’t fucking know Russian. He drops them on the table with a frustrated sigh. He needs to get out of here, he needs to keep moving. Where else could they be keeping Bucky? The alarms haven’t sounded yet, so there is still time for Steve to look for him. 

He walks back to the door and is about to reach for it when someone else opens it from outside. 

Steve steps to the side, so he can see the newcomer before they can spot him. And, just like that, chance is back on Steve’s side as Arnim Zola himself steps inside. 

Before the scientist can even register his presence, Steve strides towards him and pushes Zola against the wall. His left hand at the base of Zola’s neck holds the squirming little man where he is, while his right goes up in a fist. It would be so easy to end him right here, one or two well-aimed blows. Or Steve could simply snap his neck. He wouldn’t even need both hands to do it. This is what Steve should have done back on the train. No. This is what he should have done in Azzano. He let Zola go then, allowed Bucky’s nightmare to unfold for decades. Steve won’t make the same mistake again. 

Zola is fighting for air, with his hands flailing around uselessly as they try to claw Steve’s arm away from him. Steve doesn’t give him an inch, instead, he presses harder. “Where is he?” Steve brings Zola up to his eye level by the neck, the tip of his shoes scraping against the floor trying to find some sort of purchase. “ _ Where _ ?”

“Steve.”

Some of the tension leave his muscles upon hearing the voice coming from the door, but Steve doesn’t break his hold on Zola. He just loses it up enough to bring the man’s feet back to the ground, enough so he can still breathe.

Peggy crosses the room towards them. She has a black eye but seems otherwise okay, for which Steve is thankful. “I’m sorry for taking too long,” she says, panting a little. “Ran into some trouble.”

“That’s alright,” Steve tells her, before looking back at Zola with a smile. “We’re just getting started.”

“H-how,” Zola splutters. “Y-you are dead!”

“Maybe I’m a ghost,” Steve says calmly as he tightens his grip on Zolas neck again. “Maybe I’m here to haunt you.”

“Where are you keeping Sergeant Barnes?” Peggy asks.

Steve gives Zola enough breathing room to speak again, and he coughs his way into an answer. “I don’t have a Sergeant Barnes,” Zola wheezes. “I have a lab rat, soon to be my greatest creation.”

The bluntness of his words, in spite of the fact Steve has just tried to kill him, makes red cloud over Steves thoughts. He wants to squeeze the life out of Zola -- Steve can find Bucky on his own -- but, once again, Peggy’s firm tone helps him stay objective.

“We don’t have time for this, Steve. The alarms will sound at any moment.” 

Steve still wants nothing but to watch life slowly leave Zola’s body, truth be told, part of him wants to ignore what she said, but that is only until Peggy fishes her pistol out of the holster and shoots one of Zola’s feet. It puts Steve’s priorities right back into place. He is not here for revenge.

Zola screams in agony, spasming so hard Steve almost loses his hold on him.

“Like I said,” Peggy urges, “we don’t have time for this, so where is Barnes?”

“I don’t have him,” Zola whimpers.

“That would have actually worked if you hadn’t bragged a second ago,” Peggy calmly tells him. Steve wonders if one day he will be  _ this _ level-headed. Then she cocks her gun again. “Now, I have a couple of rounds left, and you still have a foot--”

“He’s in the basement!” Zola shrieks. That’s all they need. Steve drops him unceremoniously, and Zola goes down like a sack of potatoes, bringing his hands up in surrender. “Please,  _ please _ . He is downstairs, just take him.”

Steve look at Peggy. 

“Go,” she says.

“I --” 

“Just  _ go _ !”

Sparing a quick glance to Zola on the floor, Steve nods at her and then breaks into a run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zk_ukOjn8Y


	4. End of the line

The basement is a broad, but empty space, with a single locked door at its end. It is nothing Steve had not expected, so he doesn’t let it deter him. 

He places a hand on the cold metal door, bringing his face close to it. “Hold on, Buck,” he says against it, hoping, more than anything, hoping that Zola didn’t lie to him, that Bucky really is on the other side. “I’m right here. Can you hear me, Buck?” Steve doesn’t wait for an answer. “I’m right here,” he repeats, “I’m not leaving without you,” he swallows down the sudden lump in his throat, “not this time.”

Taking a couple of steps back, Steve slams his shoulder against the door. Pain blossoms all over the side of his body, but the door doesn’t budge, so Steve ignores it and drives his shoulder against it again. Nothing. He repeats the process, biting down hard on his bottom lip to keep himself from screaming. It draws fresh blood from a cut that had already started to heal, but none of it really registers, it’s all secondary to the need to tear the door down, to get to Bucky.

Steve is panting hard, one of his shoulders is numb so he switches to the other. He plants his heels on the ground and pushes at the door with everything he’s got. His feet scrap the floor as Steve keeps applying pressure to the door. It feels like he is pushing at solid stone. For long, excruciating moments it seems as though nothing happens, time seems to stretch before him, past and present. His hand on the handle is scratched raw, and it takes him back to when the same happened on the pavement of a back alley in Brooklyn; when another kid offered him a hand for the first time in his life. A little boy with a mop of messy brown hair and gray-blue eyes. The same eyes that looked up at him with fear in a blown up train in the Alps, the same eyes that stared emptily at Steve from across a dying Helicarrier. Gray-blue eyes that watched him step on a time machine, knowing full well Steve didn’t intend to be back in five seconds.

Never again.

He is going to get Bucky out of here, even if it is the last thing he does in this life. Steve won’t fail him this time. 

A feral scream tears its way out of his throat, and Steve doesn’t care if it leads more Hydra goons his way. He keeps it up, pushing against the unyielding metal with all his strength. Then, after what feels like forever, something creaks. The handle bends under his palm, the hinges groan and spiderweb cracks break out, framing the door as it topples under Steve’s weight.

Steve stumbles forward, losing his footing. He almost goes down with the door, but manages to find balance enough to keep himself upright at the last second. 

His eyes frantic scan the space before him.

The room is bare.

At first, Steve thinks it’s empty and his heart sinks as he steps inside. But then movement in the far corner catches his eye, and Steve gingerly makes his way over. 

Something, no,  _ someone _ is cowering against the back wall in a fetal position, trying to blend in with it. Whoever they are, the person is almost successful. The only reason they didn’t go unnoticed is because their entire body is shaking  _ hard _ . 

“Buck?” Steve calls out. He is answered by nothing but an almost inaudible whimper, and Bucky -- it has to be him, Steve knows it’s him, even though he can’t yet see the person’s face, he  _ knows _ \--  Bucky curls in even further on himself. “Bucky?” Steve tries again, crouching down in front of him. “It’s me, Buck. It’s Steve. Please, look at me.”

The thought suddenly crosses his mind, that Hydra might have already started taking Bucky’s memories away from him, and he might not recognize Steve. But there were no cryo tanks, no chair. Steve studies the trembling figure before him. No metal arm. The person has their right side to him, so Steve can’t really tell if they are missing an arm. With their face tuck between their legs and the frail frame, Steve can barely tell if this is man or woman. 

_ Please, be him. Please. _ Steve stretches out a hand, but the person shies away from him with another pained noise, so he stops midway and slowly retreats his hand. “Alright, I’m not gonna touch you. I’m not gonna hurt you,” he promises. “Can I just, please, see your face?” Steve asks. Then he waits. He can see this person is scared out of their mind, he won’t make it harder on them.

Slowly, painfully so, the person lifts their head and gray-blue eyes widen in terror as they meet Steve’s. 

Someone gasps, but Steve can’t tell if it is him or Bucky. 

Bucky quickly turns his face away from him. If it is even possible, he starts to shake harder. He begins to mumble something under his breath and it takes a second for Steve to register what it is.

“No, no, no, no, no…” Bucky’s right hand clutches at the side of his head.

“Buck, it’s me,” Steve tells him again. “It’s  _ Steve _ .” His voice breaks then. How many time will they have to this?

For a moment, it doesn’t seem like Bucky is hearing him, but then his moaning changes. “No, no, no, no. It’s not real,” he whispers to himself. 

Steve’s heart shatters into about a million pieces. “Buck,  _ please _ ,” he tries. However, it seems like every time he opens his mouth Steve only furthers Bucky’s distress.

“It’s not real,” Bucky goes on. “He’s not here. It’s not real, it’s not real, it’s not--”

Upstairs the alarms begin to blare. Steve hopes Peggy is already far away from here. Although, knowing her, that is very unlikely. He wishes he could send her a message. He wishes he had a fucking cell phone. 

He looks at Bucky with anguish. He wishes Bucky would look at him.

"Come on, Buck.  _ Please, _ " Steve begs. He extends a hand again, but doesn't dare touching Bucky. Steve doesn't want to make this worse for him. "I'm gonna get you out of here. I promise I won't let them hurt you again, but we need to leave now," he urges. 

But none of what he is saying seems to register with Bucky, who keeps rocking his body back and forth, shaking his head with eyes tightly shut, as if he could make Steve disappear if he squeezes them hard enough.

Above them, shouting has erupted, and the sound of frantic footsteps on the floor upstairs reverberates around the walls of the basement. It won't be long before they find Steve here.

"We gotta go, Buck," Steve says, eyeing the ceiling as if it could tell him exactly how many Hydra goons are up there. 

"No," Bucky says to himself. "He's not here, he's not coming. He's not coming. Steve is dead."

His words make all the air feels like it has been punched out of Steve's lungs. 

"Buck, I'm  _ right here, _ ” Steve desperately tries to tell him. But Bucky just keeps his face away from Steve, and his eyes closed as he shakes his head. “I’m real, Buck. Here.” Steve brings his hand closer to him with his palm up. “Touch my hand,” he offers. The voices outside are getting closer. If this doesn’t work Steve will have no option but to grab Bucky and run, whether he allows it or not. “I won’t hurt you.”

The whole thing cuts Steve deep inside. He can’t even begin to imagine what has been done to Bucky to make him this scared. Bucky was never scared of anything. He was a brave face and an encouraging smile, always pushing Steve forward, keeping him from wallowing in self-pity, and getting him out of his head when he needed. 

Steve used to joke that Bucky was like a peacock, proud and elegant. His stomach twists in painful knots watching him like this now. He wants to hunt down the people responsible, wants to go upstairs and rip them apart. However, getting Bucky away from this place is his only priority now, but for that, Steve needs to win at least some of his trust first.

“Come on,” Steve coaxes him. “You can do this. I’m right here.” Bucky stops shaking his head and Steve holds his breath. “I’m real, Buck. I swear.”

It’s another small eternity before Bucky opens his eyes, and even then, he doesn’t look Steve’s way, keeping them downcast for a long time instead. 

Steve bites down on his already busted bottom lip. He hisses at the sting and that is what finally draws Bucky’s attention. Ever so slowly, his trembling fingers come forward until they finally reach Steve. Bucky gasps when they make contact. His wide, frantic eyes find Steve’s at last, as if he had been expecting Steve to fade into nothing once they touched, and is only now realizing that what he is seeing is real.

Steve watches as the reality of what is happening dawns on him. Instantly, Bucky’s eyes well up and he grips at Steve’s hand with what is, possibly, all the strength he has right now. “Steve?” he breathes out. His hand starts to travel up Steve’s arm, still searching for evidence that he is not hallucinating. “ _ Steve _ .” 

“Yeah, it’s me, Buck.” Steve’s voice quivers. His own eyes become blurry and he has to blink hard to keep them focused. “It’s me.”

“Steve, Steve…” Bucky repeats his name like a mantra. He is breathing erratically, taking shallow breaths and exhaling hard and fast as his fingers grab at whatever piece of Steve they can find. 

Steve can’t take it anymore, he surges forward and takes Bucky in his arms. “I’m here,” Steve tells him. It seems like, the more Bucky feel of him, the desperate he gets. His nails claw at Steve’s back as if he could meld himself within Steve’s arms if he pushed hard enough. 

Bucky’s entire body vibrates against him. Steve tightens his hold in a desperate attempt to ground him, to make it sink in that he  _ is _ here, that he is not going to disappear into thin air, that Steve came back for him.

That’s when gunshots suddenly echo from upstairs. 

Peggy is fighting her way to them.

Steve runs a soothing hand up and down Bucky’s back. “Easy, Buck. Come on, take a deep breath for me.” At first, he doesn’t think Bucky is listening, but then Steve begins to feel his body fighting to keep still as Bucky’s chest starts to rise and fall in something of a rhythm. “That’s it,” Steve encourages him. “In an’ out, Buck. Just like you taught me.” Back when the situation was reversed and it was Bucky holding him, trying to coax Steve out of an asthma attack. 

Bucky’s body doesn’t relax completely against his, but he does manage to regulate his breathing after a moment. Steve runs his fingers over his dirty hair before untangling Bucky from him so Steve can look at his face. 

There are tears and grime smudges all over his face, but Bucky’s eyes seem clearer now. Out of instinct, Steve sweeps at the moisture under them with his thumbs. “We’re getting out of here.”

Bucky shudders and shakes his head. “Zola.”

For a second, red clouds Steve’s vision again and his jaw locks as the thought of what to do with Arnim Zola once more cross his mind. He grinds his teeth and takes a deep breath before speaking. “Don’t worry about him,” he tells Bucky. If the edge in his voice registers with Bucky he doesn’t say. Steve shakes his head to clear it. They don’t have time for this. “Come on.” He takes hold of Bucky’s elbow to support him. “Can you walk?”

With his hand on Steve’s shoulder, Bucky gets up on unsteady legs. He nods, but his knees don’t seem like they will make it to the door without buckling up. 

The sound of footsteps draws Steve’s attention.

Someone is already down here.

Steve sighs. “Sorry, Bucky. But we have to move fast,” he explains, crouching a little so he can get a hold of the back of Bucky’s legs, lifting him up. Then he drapes Bucky over his shoulders like a firefighter.

“What are you doing]?” Bucky asks a little breathless.

Steve turns his face so he can shoot Bucky what he is sure is the most unconvincing smile. “Trust me.” He knows he sounds like trouble when Bucky huffs an exasperated breath by his ear.

Steve doesn’t answer him. He simply adjusts Bucky’s weight on his shoulders and heads out.

\---

It looks like the entire base has come to find them. 

Steve tries to fight them off as best as he can. He uses his legs, driving a knee or a foot onto whoever comes at them, and his arms -- one to hold Bucky, the other to punch and elbow his way forward -- but even visibly malnourished Bucky is still substantially heavy, and it slows Steve down. 

Some blows from the Hydra soldiers connect and, coupled with the additional weight on his shoulder, they cause Steve to stagger more than once.

Luckily, Bucky is not dead weight. He is actually a lot more alert than Steve would have expected.  When an armed Hydra goon rounds a corner just as they are passing, Bucky kicks the man in the face before he can even raise the weapon. 

“Get me the rifle,” Bucky asks.

Steve doesn’t question, he grabs it from the unconscious body and hands it to him. In a matter of seconds, Bucky has secured the rifle over Steve’s shoulder. He covers Steve’s ear with his stump and begins to pick off whoever has the misfortune of crossing their path. Steve doesn’t think Hydra has started training him yet, so he is pretty sure this is all Bucky. He had already been incredibly skilled before he was taken. Hydra didn’t turn him into a weapon, they shaped the Winter Soldier around him.

They begin to make progress at last. It is clear no one in the facility had been expecting an attack, let alone one from Captain America himself. Even though they seem to recognize him, the soldiers are unprepared and uncoordinated. And it seems like nobody had expected the prisoner would fight back either, if the surprise on their faces as Bucky shoots them is any indication. 

Once they reach the first floor, Steve immediately spots Peggy well into a fight with one of the masked goons. He lets out a relieved breath he didn’t even know he had been holding. 

“Is that Carter?” Bucky asks.

“Yeah,” Steve says, adjusting Bucky’s body to try and find some sort of relief for the stiff muscles on his shoulders and back. The two of them watch as she knees the goon on the groin and then clocks him on the jaw when he doubles in on himself from the pain. The guy falls and doesn't get back up. “Yeah, that’s her.”

Peggy is wiping blood from her cheeks with the back of her hand when they get to her. 

“Took your bloody time, didn’t you,” she says. There is no heat on her voice, but Steve still feels like shit for leaving her to fend for herself for so long. Then Peggy turns her attention to Bucky. “Sergeant Barnes,” she greets him. “It’s nice to see you breathing.”

“Agent.” Bucky lazily salutes her, then promptly goes limp on Steve’s shoulder as he loses consciousness. 

Steve takes the rifle from under him and drops it to the floor. 

“Let’s get out of here,” Peggy says.

“Wait! Where’s Zola?”

Peggy sighs. “I’m afraid Dr. Zola won’t be coming with us.” Surprise must show on Steve’s face because she snorts at him. “I did not kill him, if that’s what your judgemental eyebrows are implying,” she says. “Someone found us as I was escorting him out and thought he had double-crossed them, that he brought us here.”

That explains the gunshots he heard from the basement. Well, Steve would have enjoyed exacting some sort of revenge, he would have appreciated the opportunity to do what he should have done in 1945, but he can live with this outcome. At last, he can breathe easily knowing Zola won’t lay a finger on Bucky again. It’s a win on Steve’s book all the same and, with that in mind, he sets out with Peggy back to the airplane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from, you guessed it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pm7pN2oKV4M


	5. We were always meant to say goodbye

“Oh, thank God!” Sousa breathes out when they meet him. “I was a beginning to worry.” He not-so-subtly inspects Peggy. Then his attention turns to Bucky, who Steve is now carrying in his arms. “Is he--”

“He’s alive,” Steve says when Sousa hesitates. He holds Bucky’s body even closer against his chest to feel Bucky’s heartbeat against his. “He’s alive,” he repeats.

Sousa and Peggy don’t waste any time getting back in the plane. Steve follows behind.

When Steve sets Bucky down on one of the seats, he comes to with a start. He shoots up as if he has been jolted with electricity, but his legs give out just as fast, and he flops back down unceremoniously. He catches Steve looking and offers him a sheepish grin. “They were broken,” he explains, nodding at his legs. “About five days ago, I think. Whatever they did to make you big, Stevie,” Bucky confesses at last, it’s probably more due to exhaustion impairing his inhibition than any real desire to share, “I think they put it in me, too.” It’s still shocking to hear, though.

“Buck--”

“Are you really here?” Bucky gives him a desperate look. “Please, tell me I’m not hallucinating you again.” Before Steve can answer, however, he becomes green around the face. Peggy quickly sets a bucket in front of him when Bucky moves forward with his head on his hand.

Bucky mostly dry heaves over the bucket, while Steve feels utterly useless. He flexes his hands by his sides as he watches, unsure if he is allowed to touch Bucky. Steve doesn’t know what to do to comfort him, and it kills him because, if the situation was reversed, Bucky would know exactly what to do, he always has.

“Have some water,” Peggy offers, handing Buck a canteen and sliding the bucket away from them with her foot.

However, he doesn’t go for it right away. For a moment, Bucky just stares at it with mistrust, but Peggy doesn’t back down, so he eventually accepts it, drinking the water so fast Steve is half afraid he will be sick again. 

Peggy shares a look with Steve, which he doesn’t know how to interpret, before announcing she would help Sousa get the plane in motion to take them home. Then she walks away, leaving Steve alone with Bucky.

An awkward silence ensues. 

Steve wrings his hands. It seems weird to stand over Bucky, so he sits down beside him, with enough space between them he can turn to look Bucky in the eye when he talks. “How you feelin’?”

“I dunno,” Bucky answers, staring at the empty canteen in his hand rather than facing Steve. “Still trying to convince myself I’m not gonna wake up in that lab again.”

“You won’t,” Steve is quick to assure. “I promise.”

Bucky hums, but doesn’t say anything else. It’s strange as hell, talking to this version of him. He is so young. Steve doesn’t know how to behave around him. He’s already grown used to Bucky’s weary, older version, whose eyes reveal so much about the lifetime of pain he endured, even as he tries to keep it all in with his stern silence. That Bucky matches Steve in some strange way this one doesn’t. 

_ Shared life experiences, _ he thinks. 

The plane comes to life beneath their feet, then, startling Bucky. His breath quickens, and he grips the arm on his seat with enough strength to tear at the fabric, just like Steve on the way here. He wonders how this could have slipped his notice. Steve should have seen that Bucky was suddenly stronger. He doesn’t give himself time to dwell on the subject, though, for this is when instinct takes over, and he doesn’t stop to analyze his actions before reaching out for Bucky’s hand, securing it between his.

“Let this be a reminder to you,” Steve tells him quietly. “If you can feel my hand in yours, it means I’m here.” He gives Bucky’s cold fingers a slight squeeze. “You’re safe, Buck. You’re gonna be alright.”

This time, Bucky does look at him. His welled up eyes are full of sorrow when they find Steve’s. “I thought you were dead. God, Steve! I thought you were dead for such a long time.”

“I was -- I was gone, too.” Steve shakes his head. He doesn’t want to keep secrets from Bucky, it doesn’t feel right. “There’s something I gotta tell you.”

Bucky sniffs. “What is it?”

Steve does his best to summarize his life in the twentieth century without giving Bucky a whiplash. He tells Bucky about waking up in 2011, about slowly finding his place with the Avengers; he talks about Thor, Tony, Natasha, Clint, and Bruce. He tells Bucky about the Hulk. He even mentions Thanos and the Stones. Steve doesn't mention the Winter Soldier --- it would make no difference now, this version of Bucky will never become him -- but Steve does talk about Sam, and about how he has been thinking more and more lately that Sam would be a better Captain America than him.

"It sounds like you had a pretty good deal there, Steve," Bucky says, finally extracting his hand from Steve's. Steve doesn’t offer any resistance, but his hands feel immediately colder without Bucky’s. But he ignores the feeling and focuses on Bucky, who asks him, "Why'd you come here?"

"I dunno, Buck," Steve admits. "Seemed like a good thing at the time. I couldn't go back to my own past, you see, I couldn't change it. So I came here.” He shrugs. “This is the past, but it's not mine, not really. It's a different timeline for me."

"You sound like those books I used to read." He offers Steve a timid smile. Steve doesn't know how much of what he said really sank in with Bucky, it's a lot to take in, so Steve wouldn't blame him for being overwhelmed. Be that as it may, Bucky's next question catches him off guard. "Am I dead in your future?"

Steve shakes his head remorsefully. "It took me too long to get to you then,” he confesses. “You survived but--” He hesitates, grinding his teeth. There are so many things he should have done differently.” I should've looked for you sooner."

"You did," Bucky says.

"Not soon enough. I'm so sorry, Bucky. I should've jumped after you."

Buck inhales sharply at that. He looks at Steve as if he has just been slapped across the face. "Don't ever say that again, Steven Grant."

"I could've saved you," Steve insists. 

"You've saved me just now," Bucky repeats. "That's good enough." He is quiet for a moment. Steve keeps his own mouth closed, allowing Bucky time to sort out all the information Steve has just dumped on him. "Okay, okay.” Bucky breaks the silence after a couple of minutes. “I'm trying to understand this timeline thing. You're from somewhere else in the universe." Steve nods. "So the version of you that went down with the plane in this one--"

"He's still frozen." Bucky’s mouth falls open. Somehow, Steve had not foreseen this reaction. “It’s alright, though,” Steve tries to appease him. “It’s gonna be okay, you don’t have to worry.”

“Oh, my God.” Bucky gives him a horrified look. “How can you say that?” He brings his right hand to the stump where his left shoulder ends. It’s the first time Steve has seen him actually acknowledging the fact he’s lost his arm. 

“Because I know what’s gonna happen,” Steve tells him. “I’m gonna be found. I’m gonna be just fine,” he says, leaving out the long sleepless nights that followed his returning. There is no need to tell Bucky about those, or the hours Steve spent wandering around New York, searching for something, anything he could recognize. There is nothing to be said about the psychologist Steve went to once, but refused to go back for fear that the stranger would see exactly what was in Steve’s mind. Steve doesn’t want to burden Bucky, so he says nothing about missing him like a part of Steve had been gone. He doesn’t say anything because it’s gonna be better now, for this Steve. Bucky will be there for him. 

“Of course you’re gonna be fine,” Bucky says, defiant. “Cos I’m going after you. You know where the plane is, don’t you?”

Steve shakes his head. “Bucky, we shouldn’t mess with History that much, it could be dangerous.” The hypocrisy of what he is saying is not lost on Steve, but he doesn’t want Bucky risking himself for something that will eventually happen anyway.

“Uh uh, no. You don’t get to save me and then tell me I shouldn’t do the same for you,” Bucky says. “That doesn’t work for me, Steven Grant.” He huffs out an annoyed breath and his tone throws Steve even further back into their lives, back when they were just kids, and Steve was always getting the two of them in trouble. “Now, where is the airplane?”

“Bucky!”

“No, Steve. I have been living in a hell of  _ ice _ .” Bucky holds Steve’s gaze as he speaks. There is so much pain in his eyes, they shine against the low light above them. But, despite everything he has been through, Steve realizes, he is still strong, still beautiful. “I can’t leave him there,” he goes on. “I know how that feels.”

Suddenly, Bucky leans forward, right into Steve’s personal space. Steve doesn’t object. If Bucky needs a hug, he is more than welcome to find solace in Steve’s arms. But that is not what he does. His hand comes to rest on the side of Steve’s face, and Steve’s breath gets caught up in his throat as Bucky leans even closer until Steve can barely focus on him, and Bucky’s lips lightly, briefly touch his.

Bucky sighs, resting his forehead on Steve’s. 

“Thank you for saving me,” he says against Steve’s mouth. He rubs the rough pad of his thumb over Steve’s heated cheek. “I knew you’d blush,” Bucky chuckles.

As for himself, Steve is afraid to even move a muscle. The last few minutes feel too much like a dream, and he is scared that, if he breathes too hard or moves too fast he is going to wake up. Steve is beginning to understand Bucky’s reluctance to admit this whole thing is real. It doesn’t seem to be. It makes him wonder. Perhaps he died facing Thanos, perhaps this is heaven. 

In heaven, Steve would get to Bucky in time.

In heaven, Bucky would love Steve the same way Steve loves him. Or maybe -- Steve closes his eyes to keep dreaming and shyly brings his mouth to Bucky’s again -- maybe this is just who they are in a different timeline.

Slowly, Steve opens his eyes. Bucky keeps looking at him like he’s hung the moon and Steve feels severely undeserving. 

“Thank you,” Bucky says again. “You’re amazing.” He smiles. “But you’re not my Steve.” He lets go of Steve, putting some distance between them. “I gotta find him. And you gotta go back to whatever version of myself is waiting out there.”

“It took decades to find me, Buck,”  Steve tries to argue. “That version of me is miles down the Arctic. You deserve to live your life. I don’t want you to spend all that time searching for me by yourself.”

“He won't be alone,” Peggy says. Both Steve and Bucky turn to her with wide eyes. If she saw anything, she doesn’t say. Instead, she goes on as if she has just caught the last few seconds of their conversation and nothing else. “You cannot expect us to leave you there for years.”

Bucky knocks his knee on Steve’s. “Yeah, punk. It’s about time I get to save your ass again, for a change.” 

Steve bites his lip, looking between Peggy and Bucky. Only now he sees how similar the two of them are. Not only physically, with the brown wavy hair and the sharp eyes, but also in their personalities. They are both strong-minded people who care with all their hearts. They have both followed Steve into crazy adventures, trying to steer him from his most destructive impulses when he isn’t thinking straight. They both fought a war that should have killed them. They lost so much, and yet, they endure, they persevere. 

_ Lord! I definitely have a type _ , Steve thinks, smiling to himself. He loves these two people so hard. 

“Alright,” he sighs. Then he recites the coordinates which Peggy writes down on a little notepad, and Bucky, if he is like Steve now, instantly commits to memory.

“We should contact Howard for this,” Peggy says. This time, Steve doesn’t object, so she turns to Bucky. “First we need to make sure you’re okay, Sergeant.”

Bucky blanches. “If someone tests me, they might find the serum in my blood.”

“Don’t worry about that.” Peggy glances at Steve. “We’ll go to someone’s trustworthy, as soon as I cleanse SHIELD.” She hesitates and remorse briefly crosses her features when she looks back at Bucky. “I assure you, James. I will personally guarantee that no harm comes to you because of this.” 

“Thank you,” Bucky nods. Gratitude is written all over his face and his shoulders even seem to relax a little at her promise. Whatever story Peggy has told him before, to get him to tell her about Azzano, Bucky had known the truth behind her words, Steve realizes. He knew she wanted to use him in the war effort. Nonetheless, Peggy still has at least some of Bucky’s trust.

They share a look, and, just like that, Bucky and Peggy have a plan to set in motion. 

This is Steve’s cue. It’s time for him to leave. If this plane gets to the U. S. with Steve in it, he will never find the courage to go back to his own timeline. But Bucky is right, Steve doesn’t belong here, and he doesn’t want to live another life as a man out if time. He has found his place in what he used to think of as  _ the future. _ Somewhere along the line, he has left the past behind, and he didn’t even notice, not until now.

He turns to Peggy. She has known that all along. This is it for them, and they are both aware of it. This is goodbye for him, so Steve doesn’t hold back. He walks up to her and wrappers his arms around her, burying his face on her hair; he breathes her in. “I shouldn’t talk about things that are still gonna happen,” he says in her ear.

“ _ Darling _ ,” she sighs against his chest.

Steve just holds her tighter. “I’m not supposed to,” he repeats, his voice comes out brittle, but he doesn’t have it in him to care right now. “But I’m gonna break just this one rule.” Peggy snorts. It puts a grin on Steve’s face, and he a step back so he can see her properly. “You’re going to do amazing things, Peggy. People are going to be in awe of you, and count themselves lucky to just to have met you.” He plants a kiss on her forehead. “Just like I do.”

She lets out a wet chuckle. “You’re so dramatic.”

“I know,” Steve agrees with a smile.

“Safe travels, Steve,” Peggy says, placing a hand over his heart.

“I’m gonna miss you.” He puts a hand above hers.

“Goodbye, darling.” It’s obviously not the first time she’s had to say these words and it makes Steve’s heart ache that he has reopened this wound. Although Peggy is going to get to see him again this time, he still hates that he is making her cry.

“Bye, Peggy.”

They hold each other’s eyes for a moment before her hand slips off from under his and she walks back into the cockpit. Steve watches her go. Maybe, somewhere in another timeline, a place where Steve’s heart is not split in two, and time is not against them, maybe there Peggy and he are together and life is not so hard on them. Steve shakes his head. He is done living on  _ maybe. _ Then again, Steve would be lying if he didn’t admit that the scale has always leaned heavier to one particular side.

He turns around to Bucky, who has been quiet this whole time, and find him staring down at his own hand on his lap, frowning at it.

“Buck,” Steve calls.

Bucky takes his sweet time looking up at him. “I was so jealous of her,” he says, “that day at the bar.” He shakes his head. “It wasn’t even cos of how I feel about you. It’s cos that was the first time someone else had finally seen what I see when I look at you, and it scared the shit out of me.” He runs his tongue over his bottom lip, offering Steve a small self-deprecating smile. “I know it’s selfish, Stevie, but I’d grown so used to having you to myself.” The confession seems to drain him and his shoulders slump like a weight has finally been lifted off.

Steve sits down next to him. “When you see me again,” he says, taking Bucky’s hand one last time, “tell me how you feel.” He entwines his fingers with Bucky’s. “I’ve been a coward, Buck. I was scared I’d lose you to the world too,” Steve confesses. 

“What should I tell you?” Bucky asks softly.

“Whatever’s in your heart,” Steve says. Bucky blushes under his gaze, he gives an aborted shrug with his left shoulder which reminds Steve of something else he has to do. “Oh, I almost forgot.” He uses his free hand to browse through his pockets until he finds a folded piece of paper. It’s something he sketched one day at Peggy’s house while he waited for their next move. Steve offers the paper to Bucky. “Here,” he lets go of Bucky’s hand so he can take it, “give this to Howard Stark. I’m sure he’ll know what to do.”

Bucky rests the paper on his legs so he can unfold it. He struggles a bit but, since he doesn’t ask for help, Steve stays put. He knows better than most how it feels when people just assume you won’t be able to do something without even letting you try. Steve refuses to be that condescending. 

It’s not long before Bucky is staring at the drawing of the metal arm. He looks up at Steve with confusion on his face. “What’s this?”

“It’s yours,” Steve explains. “Where I come from, that’s your left arm. It was-- Hydra gave you one, you had it for a long time, but then you got this,” Steve says, jutting his chin at the paper. He smirks. “It was designed by a princess, believe it or not.” Bucky bites at the corner of his mouth as his attention goes from the drawing to Steve and then back again. He runs a finger through the plates on the arm. “It’s black and gold,” Steve tells him. “It’s beautiful, just like you.”

This time, when Bucky’s eyes return to him they stay. “When I find you in the ice you’re not gonna remember any of this, are you?”

“That’s not me,” Steve answers, shaking his head.

“Okay,” Bucky says, nodding to himself, “okay.” Then he surges forward, grabbing at the front of Steve’s shirt and pulling him closer. Bucky captures Steve’s mouth in his. There is nothing shy or hesitant about it this time. He pours himself into the kiss and, God help him, Steve feels it, feels everything he doesn’t say, the love, the loss,  _ everything _ . His eyes slip shut just as Bucky’s tongue seeks entrance, and Steve opens up for him. He brings a hand up to run his fingers through Bucky’s hair as Bucky licks at the inside of his mouth. 

This is too much. It’s what Steve has never dared to dream, and he knows that, if he lingers, he will not have the strength to pull away. Bucky seems to be thinking the same. He lets go of Steve’s shirt so his fingers can travel from Steve’s chest to his shoulder and then down his left arm. Bucky fumbles at the bracelet there. Steve’s transporter, which he tried to explain to Bucky in more detail how it worked because Steve knew he would be interested.

“2023, you said?” Bucky murmurs, a little breathless, against Steve’s lips.

“What?” Steve asks. He opens his eyes, but it is only in time to watch Bucky pushing the button to activate the last of Steve’s Pym particle. “Bucky, wait!”

“Bye, Steve.”

Bucky’s face is the last thing he sees, and his voice echoes all around Steve when everything else disappears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1FbZvDba6ew


	6. And  if say I love you, then I love you

In what feels like the blink of an eye, Steve is right back on the platform. It doesn’t matter how many times he goes through this, he will never get used to it. He loses his balance and stumbles forward, his arms still stretched out for Bucky, but Bruce’s huge green hands are the ones to catch him before he falls.

“Steve,” Bruce exclaims,  “Oh, my God! I thought we’d lost you.”

For a moment, Steve is unable to get his bearings. His eyes can't seem to focus on one single thing as they scan around, and his brain tries to take it all in.

It all looks the same. The forest, the compound, and Bruce, the way he is now he's morphed into the Hulk. Steve catches a glimpse of himself on the reflection of Bruce's glasses and sees that he also didn't change. He is still wearing the white and red suit, and the Ant-Man helmet is still on, but Steve can see he is the same underneath it. Even the bruises and cuts on his face have already healed like they hadn’t been there at all.

It's not enough to comfort him, though. Between returning the Stones and rescuing Bucky, Steve has just spent _weeks_ in the past. He has no idea how much time that translates to in this timeline, and it unsettles him not to know.

Steve remembers all too well the first time they tested this thing. Scott Lang came back as a baby and then an old man. They had made time go through him. Steve doesn't feel older, definitely not a baby either. So if time didn't go through him...

"What day is it?"

"Easy," Bruce says as he tries to get Steve to stop moving. He soon gives up, letting out a frustrated breath and taking a hold of Steve's arms. "Take it easy, Steve. You're right where and when you left." His words make Steve relax a little, but then Bruce looks at something over Steve's shoulder and goes, "Oh! That's interesting.” And Steve is tensing all over again.

“What?” Steve asks swiveling around so he can see what Bruce is looking at. Sam is talking to an elderly man, who is sitting on a bench facing the lake, with Bucky standing a couple of steps behind the two of them. "Who's that?"

Oh, well, I'm pretty sure that's you," Bruce says.

 _They did it, they found me,_ Steve thinks with a smile. He has no clue as to how this old version of himself got here, but Steve _knows_ exactly where he has come from.

He makes his way over to them. Sam is saying something to the old man, but he probably catches some movement on the corner of his eyes because he throws a quick glance at Steve, only to halt mid-sentence as he does a double take.

"What the hell?"

Steve offers him a lopsided grin. "Sorry, I'm late." His voice draws Bucky's attention, and Bucky's mouth falls open at the sight of him. However, he is fast to recover from the surprise. As soon as he closes his mouth, his features instantly morph into a blank expression. It reminds Steve of the way the Winter Soldier looked at him in the Helicarrier.  He sighs. Bucky thought he wasn’t coming back. _Steve_ thought he wasn’t coming back. After everything Bucky has been through, Steve had no right to fuck with him like that. He is going to have to make amends.

“Hello,” Steve’s old self says before he can even think of what to tell Bucky. Looking at him is the strangest thing Steve has ever done. It’s like a funhouse mirror. It’s him, but different, like a glimpse into the future. It’s unsettling. The old man chuckles. “Don’t look so startled.” He takes a quick inventory of himself. “I don’t think we’ve aged that bad.”

“Wh-what are you doing here?”

“I’m confused,” Sam says before Steve can get an answer from himself. “You’re both Steve. How is this even happening?” He looks at Bruce for an explanation.

“Different timelines.”

“Man, you’re gonna have to be more specific at some point.” Sam shakes his head. “Different timelines,” he mutters under his breath. “That’s just lazy.”

“I know, I know,” Bruce concedes. “I’ll explain everything in more depth later. Right now I’m also interested as to why you’re here,” he says, looking at Steve’s old version.

“Don’t worry, I won’t be long, just came to deliver that to Mr. Wilson.” He juts his chin something by Sam’s feet.

Steve has no idea how he missed it.

 _God,_ he thought he would never see it again.

The shield.

One glance at its bright colors is all Steve needs to know exactly what happened. "You -- you were never Captain America after the ice."

It's not a question, but the old man nods in affirmation all the same. Then he offers Steve a sly grin. "Just another regular joe."

“Oh,” Steve lets out. He takes a moment to think about it. Steve, as he is now, would never have been able to live a peaceful life in the past, not when he knew exactly how the next seventy years would unfold. Steve would have burned himself to the ground trying to prevent every bad thing he was aware of from happening, or he’d let guilt consume him if he did nothing to stop them -- not that he could ever turn a blind eye -- but, either way, he would never have found peace if he had stayed.

However, with no knowledge of the future, this version of him was able to do something Steve never could in this timeline, he came home from the war.

There is something Steve has yet to understand, though. "How do you know Sam?"

"From stories I've been told," his old self explains. _Bucky,_  Steve thinks. Bucky knew about Sam. “Unfortunately, our paths never crossed from where I come from.” It makes sense. If he hadn’t moved to DC, he would never have met Sam either. “But I’ve been told he’s the ideal Captain America for this timeline.”

Sam shoots Steve a  puzzled look but, before he can say anything, Steve makes up his mind. He nods. “Your information is accurate. There’s no one I’d trust more.”

“You really sure?” Sam asks. His fingers hover over the rim of the shield, and, just like that, Steve can already see him with it. Sam has all the necessary training to wield the shield, he’s got the military training -- he can even fly -- but, most important, Sam’s heart is in the right place. As far as America in concerned, he knows about its current problems and needs way more than Steve. Besides, Sam is a loyal friend and the Avengers look up to him, they trust him to have their backs, and so will the rest of the world.

Steve shares a look with his old self. There is no doubt in his eyes either, and, if he was able to put down the mantle and carry on living a normal life, so can Steve. He smiles at Sam. “Positive.”

Sam beams at him as he picks up the shield. The look on his face is enough to further Steve’s certainty that he has made the right call.  

Then, Sam seems to remember something else. "Oh, and guess what," he asks, not waiting for an answer as he gestures at the old man. "Look at his hand! He is married!"

Indeed, there is a very shiny band on old Steve's left ring finger. It's way too shiny. It can't possibly be over fifty years old. Even then, Steve sincerely hopes this one hasn’t been foolish enough to try and get things going with Peggy again. She did _not_ need another one of him making life awkward for her. Plus, there was also Bucky.

His old self catches Steve looking, and his smile turns mischievous. He turns slightly on the bench to glance at Bucky behind them. Steve looks at him too, only to find his face is still unreadable. Although now he’s got a slight scowl too, which could just be his resting face, though Steve is almost sure there is more to that. However, he doesn't have time to analyze it now, because the him on the bench is suddenly glancing back at Steve and then at Bucky again.

A heartbeat passes, then Steve's eyes widen when his brain finally registers what the old man is trying to tell him.

They are together.

“Together for over seventy years,” he tells Steve. “Although we’ve only been officially married for about eight years ago.” He nods to himself. “Well, I should go now,” he says, getting a small, round device from his pocket. It kind of resembles a compass, but it comes to life with a bluish light under his thumb. Steve immediately recognizes the Stark logo on the side. Then it hits him. This version of himself has probably watched Tony grow up. He wonders what the must have been like. “I was told not to linger, besides,” the old man smiles affectionately at someone who’s clearly not there, “he is waiting for me.”

Sam and Bruce share a look, and even Bucky frowns at the old man.

“Who’s waitin--” Sam starts, but, before he gets to finish, Steve’s old self disappears as if he had never been there. “Where did he go?”

“I think he went home,” Bruce says.

Behind them, Bucky seems to unfreeze all of a sudden. He swiftly turns around and storms back towards the compound.

Steve goes after him, and damn near gets the door slammed on his face for his troubles.

“Buck, wait up,” Steve calls out. To his surprise, Bucky does stop on his tracks and looks at him, but it’s only so he can shoot daggers at Steve through his eyes.

"What the hell was that?"

"I know, right. An old version of me,” Steve says with a  lopsided smile, trying to play dumb to defuse the situation. “That's crazy."

Bucky shakes his head, not having it. There is no stalling. "That's not what I'm talking about. I mean the crap you pulled with the time thing,” he says, gesturing at the platform outside. “You were supposed to be back in _seconds,_ Steve! You were gone for over an hour!” He exhales loudly, lowering his head for a moment before looking back at Steve. “That was the plan all along, wasn’t it? You were gonna stay there.” Steve opens his mouth but nothing comes out. However, the expression on his face must tell Bucky everything he wants to know, and he turns away. He is not fast enough to hide his hurt, though.

Steve feels like his insides turned ice cold. He has never seen Bucky like that, not because of him. “Buck?”

“I don’t understand,” he says softly, still avoiding Steve’s eyes. “Why d’you go after me in Romania? Why did you try so hard to make me come with you, if you were just gonna leave me here with your friends? I don’t know these people, Steve, and I’m pretty sure they still think I’m crazy.”

“They don’t think that, Bucky,” Steve argues. “You just need time to get to know each other.”

This time, Bucky does look at him, but now there is also anger mixed up with the sadness on his features. “Who says I want that? I’m here because of _you_!”

“I -- I was confused, Buck.”

Bucky snorts. “So was I, for seventy fucking years.” He shakes his head. There are tears in his eyes, but he keeps them at bay. “End of the line, my ass,” Bucky says, sounding hoarse and tired. “You were just hanging onto something that reminded you of the past.”

Steve’s vision goes instantly blurry. He swallows hard. “Don’t say that,” he begs with a shaky voice. “It’s _not_ true.”

“Bullshit,” Bucky snaps, hurt and angry.

“I came back, didn’t I?” Steve fights back. “You’re talking like I’m not standing right here.” A wayward tear makes its way down his face and Steve sweeps at it with the back of his hand annoyed. “Can you please look at me.” Bucky begrudgingly indulges him, but still, he crosses his arm over his chest when he turns to Steve. “Alright, I did think it’d make sense to go back and stay with Peggy,” Steve confesses. Bucky glares at him. He is probably trying to summon the Winter Soldier look again, but it doesn’t really work with his eyes all welled up and the wet tracks on his cheeks. “But I never thought I was abandoning you, Buck. I thought you’d be safe here, that this could be your home.” Bucky doesn’t seem all that convinced, but he says nothing to it. “Anyway, it was a mistake. She’s moved on, Steve tells him, “and so have I. I was still conflicted, though. It took me going back to realize I had already grown used to being here, but I couldn’t leave knowing you’d spend the next seven decades being tortured all over again.”

Bucky takes a sharp breath. “Y-you got me out?” he mutters. Steve nods. “When was that?”

“Late forties, I guess. I’m not really sure.”

“I didn’t even have the arm yet.”

“No,” Steve confirms. “Part of me wanted to stay with him too.” The kiss he shared with that version of Bucky is still fresh in his mind. “But I knew better. That wasn’t you.” He sniffs. “I’m sorry, Buck. I shouldn’t’ve put you through this.”

“Maybe you should’ve stayed there,” Bucky says. If he is aware that he is also crying, he doesn’t care enough to wipe it from his face.  He uncrosses his arms to gesture at himself. “You could’ve had the unfucked version of this.”

Steve is so tired of all this pain that’s been surrounding them for so long. Just like their selves from the other timeline, he wants them to have another shot at life, at _happiness._ They have more than earned the chance to start over, and Steve will do it properly this time.

He clears his throat and smirks at Bucky. "Nah, that you needed his own, _unfucked,_ version of me."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that if you're fucked, so am I,” Steve says with a shrug. “And that, in case it wasn't clear,” he stands up and starts to slowly make his way to Bucky, “the old me we were talking to? He’s married to you, Buck. The you from where he’s from."

All color runs from Bucky’s face and he takes a step back, away from Steve, who comes to a halt not to aggravate the situation. “How can you know that?” Bucky asks. His voice is low, scared, and it breaks Steve’s heart.

“Because I kissed that version of you,” Steve tells him. Bucky’s mouth might as well be on the floor and Steve can’t help the smile on his face. “I told him to open his heart to his Steve next time they saw each other,” he shrugs, “guess he did just that.” He takes a long shaky breath. “So I think it’s only fair I do the same.”

“Steve?”

“I’m in love with you, Buck,” Steve confesses. He feels like his heart is going to beat right out of his chest, and he has to close his hands so Bucky can’t see how bad they are shaking but Steve stands his ground. He forces himself to keep eye contact even though his self-preservation instinct has kicked in at last, and it’s telling him to run away before Bucky can open his mouth to reject him. Bucky blinks at him, but he doesn’t say anything, so Steve braves another step forward. “Buck.”

Bucky shakes his head. “I can’t give you what you want, Steve.”  

At first, Steve's hope threatens to shatter right there where he stands, but then he stops to study Bucky's expression for a little longer. What he finds is not rejection. On the contrary, Steve sees in this Bucky the same kind of struggle to accept Steve's words as he saw in the other. So he smiles and allows himself to believe this is actually happening. After all, he is not a quitter and he refuses to give up without even trying.

“You haven’t even heard what I want yet,” Steve says smugly.

Bucky shoots him the same kind of exasperated look he has been giving Steve their whole lives. He lightly scratches at his forehead. “You sound like trouble, Steven Grant.” The smile on Steve’s face grows so big it almost hurts. He feels like a child whose excitement can barely be contained. “What _do_ you want then?” Bucky asks.

“Go on a date with me,” Steve proposes.

“After everything that’s happened,” Bucky starts, looking at him like Steve has just grown a second head, “you think we can just go for dinner and a movie like normal people?”

Steve shrugs, unconcerned. “Why not?” Bucky opens his mouth but Steve has more to his argument. “So far I’ve met two of me and we all love you. Every version of me has always loved every version of you. No matter the timeline, Buck, we _always_ find each other. I gotta say, I think the universe wants us together. I know _I_ do. Do you?”

Bucky answers him by crossing the short distance between them, grabbing Steve by the back of his neck and pulling him closer so he can plant a surprisingly chaste kiss on Steve’s lips. It’s a light touch, barely there before it’s gone, but it still manages to knock the air right out of Steve’s lungs. “I do too,” Bucky answers, sounding just as breathless. He smiles something small but so hopeful that it makes Steve feel warmer just by looking at it. “ _Shit,_ ” Bucky chuckles to himself. “This is really happening.”

Steve nods. He can barely believe it himself. He needs more proof that he isn’t dreaming, so he goes in for another kiss. Bucky indulges him, smiling against Steve’s lips while his hands, both flesh and metal, borrow within Steve’s hair.

A moment too soon, however, Bucky pulls away.

“Wait a second,” he says, frowning at Steve. “What do you mean two of you?”

“Well,” Steve starts, scratching at the back of his neck, “you see, back in 2012…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nOB_2DQi9U


	7. Epilogue: It’s been a long, long time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a translation for the Russian if you put the cursor on it. If you're reading this on your phone, there is also a translation at the end.

It’s been weeks since the apparition Steve had taken for Loki impersonating him told Steve that Bucky was still alive. Since that day, he hasn’t been able to concentrate on anything else. His nights are filled with troublesome dreams replaying the moment Bucky plummeted from the train, over and over again.

To make matter worse, the Avengers haven’t been assembled since that day, aside from the briefings and public appearances, which are mostly dealt with by Ms. Potts and her public relations team, so Steve has had a lot of downtime to overthink the encounter.

It didn’t take long to realize the man he met was not Loki, who had been with Tony up until the moment Stark had a heart attack. Then, Thor’s brother disappeared into thin air and that had been that. The timing didn’t match and, besides, how would Loki even know about Bucky? It made no sense, but the seed has been planted and now he can’t let go until he finds the truth.

So Steve set out to do his own private investigation.

He’s been using the briefings about the Battle of New York as an excuse to spend more time at SHIELD. He’s even asked for a transfer to DC so he can be closer to the headquarters since New York doesn’t hold paper files. And, so far, everything he’s found digitally that looked even the least bit promising has been highly encrypted, and thus completely out of reach.  

Every computer Steve types Bucky’s name in immediately freezes on him, and he no longer thinks that is due to his lack of skills. There is definitely something about Bucky that SHIELD doesn’t want people to see. And, if he really _is_ alive, Steve might never forgive himself for not looking for him after he fell.

Steve is sorting through his notes -- which, unfortunately, are not many -- when someone knocks on the door. He puts his notebook aside. It’s a little late for a visit or a house call, but he goes to answer it anyway. It is probably Ms. Romanoff. She’s been onto him, Steve has noticed. All his walking around SHIELD asking questions was bound to draw attention.

He’s been told before that he is a bad liar, so he tries to school his features into something neutral before opening the door. When he finally does, he gasps.

That’s not Ms. Romanoff.

“[Призраки с нашими лицами сказали мне найти тебя](Ghosts%20with%20our%20faces%20told%20me%20to%20find%20you),” says the long haired, dirty clothed version of Bucky standing right in front of him.

Steve has no idea what that means, and he is pretty sure he is dreaming. He must have fallen asleep at the table again. He blinks hard, then rubs at his eyes, but nothing makes the vision disappear.

“Bucky?”

The man nods, but it’s a little uncertain. “That’s who they said I am.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Призраки с нашими лицами сказали мне найти тебя = Ghosts with our faces told me to find you.  
> I had to use Google translate, so I apologize if it is not accurate.  
> Chapter title from: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0dh3Ape1GmU


End file.
